How Not To Write
One of my favorite Internet pastimes is reading amateur short fiction. There are several writing sites around that let prospective authors find an inexpensive audience for their work. Someday I might be talented enough to write something both significant and meaningful, but for the time being, I can criticize those who are.
In my reading, I’ve come across some common mistakes. Not grammatical, which I can surprisingly ignore, but stylistic mistakes that instantly pull me out of the narrative. Here is a list of the most infamous.
1. Don’t write about what your story isn’t about
It sounds simple, but many new authors break this rule. A common theme in fiction is to place an otherwise normal character into an extraordinary situation. This involves some kind of life change, and most authors like to set this change up as the first part of their story. If you’re doing this, remember, no one is going to care about what happened before the event, your story is about after it. If you must setup, do it briefly. A much better choice is to simply drop the reader into the middle of the story. They’ll figure out the details as they go along. In media res worked for Homer, and it’ll work for you.
2. Your readers care about your characters, not you
Another very common mistake is “name dropping” or using so much detail about a specific topic in your writing, that it is obvious to the reader that this topic is a favorite of the author’s. This mistake has a very obvious exception: if the topic is the topic of the story, describe away, Crichton made a very good living writing technically researched fiction. However, I really don’t care about the dual overhead cams in your protagonist’s car when he’s going to spend the rest of the novel stranded on a desert island.
3. You will never own your characters, don’t even try
No matter how clear the picture of your characters is in your head, the reader will come up with their own, and it will be vastly different than yours. Please don’t describe the physical appearance of your characters unless it has real value to the plot. There are only two ways this works out, either you describe them early, and your story reads like a bad personal ad, or you describe them late, and your readers start wondering when your lead female dyed her hair. Remember how disappointed you were with the casting of your favorite book-turned-film? Your readers will be too.
4. Bows are boring
Basic fiction: a protagonist has a problem and she solves it. Sometimes this takes a few tries, or even a few books, but every discrete story has a problem that gets solved. That is where the story ends. Don’t write another word unless it leads to another problem, and don’t stop until that next problem is solved. Ideally, this would be in a sequel. Don’t frustrate your readers by forcing them through another 50 pages of fluff because you can’t flesh out those last few ideas floating in your head. If you haven’t sealed the deal by the time you walk her to the door, be polite, say goodnight, and leave. Twenty minutes of smalltalk is not going to change her mind.
5. Even Jesus ended up on a cross
Nobody likes perfect people. Perfect people have boring lives that remind everyone else of how not-perfect they are. If your protagonist doesn’t have at least a few small and one large negative character traits, your plot will seem forced at best, and your story will have a very finite shelf life. This was important enough that the Greeks set aside an entire category of drama for the fatal flaw called tragedies, and they’re way smarter than you.
June 18th, 2009 at 1:59 am
I loved this post - Ithink it was very entertaining and informative. As someone who hates epilogues, I loved point four and really wish authors would realise it. You may read all those extra pages the first time, but on the second read through, as soon as the climax is done, the book is shut.